016: Make Better Decisions & Live Life to the Fullest by Learning to Rest and Reflect with Rachel Baker

 
 

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Show Notes

In this episode, I’m joined by Rachel Baker, a speaker, coach, and author dedicated to helping women reclaim their time and sanity. Rachel shares her journey to becoming a beacon of support for overwhelmed women, including those managing chronic pain, special needs, and ADHD. She discusses the importance of creating breathing room in our lives and the necessity of rest and reflection in decision-making.

Rachel emphasizes the significance of self-care, not as a luxury, but as an essential practice for maintaining mental, physical, and spiritual health. Through personal anecdotes and practical advice, she inspires women to set boundaries, prioritize self-care, and live more intentionally. Tune in to learn how to break free from the hustle culture, balance productivity with self-care, and ultimately pour more into others from a place of fullness.

Key points:

  • Rachel shares her journey of transitioning from teaching to coaching, driven by a deep understanding of the challenges faced by overwhelmed women.

  • The conversation delves into the importance of finding balance amidst the demands of life, including the hustle culture and the pressure to constantly achieve.

  • Rachel emphasizes the significance of creating breathing room in life to reflect and make intentional decisions.

  • Decision-making is discussed as a process that requires both action and reflection, highlighting the necessity of rest in this cycle.

  • Examples from Rachel's own experiences and insights from scripture are shared to illustrate the transformative power of rest and reflection.

  • The conversation navigates through the concept of self-care, debunking misconceptions and emphasizing its role in maintaining mental and emotional well-being.

  • Practical tips are provided for integrating rest and reflection into daily life, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing self-care to effectively serve others.

Links Mentioned:

About Rachel:

Rachel D. Baker is a speaker, coach, and author who is obsessed with helping women reclaim their time and sanity. As a chronic pain & illness warrior, special needs mom, and woman with ADHD, Rachel deeply understands the battle of doing All The Things for everyone else while trying to keep your head above water. Now she shares sanity-saving strategies, resources, and scriptures with women through her podcast, “How’s All That Working For Ya?”, encouraging you to create some breathing room in this one and only life. Her encouragement and sass cut through the fluff and speak directly to the hearts of overwhelmed women with a mix of humor, vulnerability, and no-nonsense truths.

Connect with me on social media:
www.instagram.com/anchoreddecisions
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Check out my website and decision guide shop:
www.anchoreddecisions.com
www.anchoreddecisions.com/shop


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Transcript

Lauren

Hey friends. I hope you didn't miss me too much since I skipped last week's episode. As I had mentioned earlier that this summer we have a lot going on in my family. We are doing some home renovations and a lot of the work we're doing ourselves, which means I'm in charge of all the design. Well, my husband and I, and as far as picking everything out and going to different stores to source things. So that has been very time-consuming. On top of that I have a lot less childcare this summer, so I just don't have as much time to work and I could book more child care, but I want to be intentional with spending time with my kids over summer.

We have swim lessons going on. We've got a lot of VBS and camps. So, we're just busy. So I might skip another week. We'll see. Um, but typically I release episodes on Thursdays. So definitely check your app if you are following along and yeah. Just connect with me on Instagram At anchored decisions. Let me know what you think, if you were expecting an episode on Thursday and you want me to really push hard, to try to release them every week.

And let me know what type of episodes you want to be hearing this summer. So anyway, wanted to introduce this week's episode. It will refresh your soul because it's all about learning to prioritize rest so that you can approach life, approach others with more energy, more positivity, so that you can not lash out at your kids because you're so tired from staying up late, pushing and grinding, and just not prioritizing the right things.

You need to make sure that you are taking time to reflect and to refresh yourself. And so Rachel Baker dives into some practical ways that we can do that. And some of the why behind why we need to step back, take a reset, review things every once in awhile. So I hope you're as blessed and encouraged by this episode as I was, as we recorded it. And again, as I listened to it while editing.

 Intro: Welcome to the Anchored Decision Show. I'm your host, Lauren Black, the world's biggest overthinker turned decision coach, all by the grace of God. Now I'm on a mission to help you make easier decisions, discover God's will, and live with purpose. Tune in weekly to hear real life decision stories, expert insights, and faith based strategies to help you navigate your decisions with confidence. So ditch your pros and cons list and learn to make better decisions without asking your mom or losing another night of sleep. Let's go.

Lauren 

All right. So today's guest is Rachel Baker. Rachel is a speaker, coach, and author who is obsessed with helping women reclaim their time and sanity. As a chronic pain and illness warrior, special needs mom, and woman with ADHD, Rachel deeply understands the battle of doing all the things for everyone else while trying to keep your head above water.

Now she shares sanity-saving strategies, resources, and scriptures with women through her podcast. How's that working for you? Encouraging you to create some breathing room in this one and only life. Her encouragement and sass cut through the fluff and speak directly to the hearts of overwhelmed women with a mix of humor, vulnerability, and no nonsense truths. So a welcome Rachel.

Rachel

Hello, Lauren. Thank you so much for having me today.

Lauren

Yeah. So first I just wanted to ask, how did you get into this field and why are you passionate about it?

Rachel

 Mmm, it's been a long and winding road. My background is actually in teaching. So I started in early childhood special ed, had a lot of health issues, and ended up having to go home. Couldn't stay in the classroom. Went into online teaching. And, I like to say I was teaching online before it was the cool thing to do. It was like 2017 when I started. So then when the pandemic hit and all teachers were having to go home, I ended up switching kind of accidentally into more of a coaching role because there were so many teachers who were trying to figure out this virtual classroom life. And so the more I went into coaching and working with women who were trying to juggle all the things the more I just heard this cry for how do I do it all? How do I squeeze it all in? And I felt very, very called to help women with that piece of life. Uh, it's great to help, you know, let's work from home and make some extra money and maneuver this online life. But the bottom underneath of all of that, the foundational piece was just, I'm drowning.

And so I kind of started switching my coaching instead of just, this is how you teach online and work from home. It was, this is how you manage everything. This is how you can get through life without setting yourself on fire to keep everybody else warm. Right. um, so that's, that's kind of what I do now. It's turned into more ministry, which I love. God has just really led my path and my heart to working with other women who are overwhelmed and trying to just live out their God given purpose.

Lauren

 Yeah, I love how you just kind of went with what was needed and to fill that need and how God led you to that. And also, I think even for people who don't work at all or don't work from home, like there's all these stay at home moms that are overwhelmed with just trying to juggle the schedules of sports and activities and school drop offs. And then when you've got a sick kid and a doctor's appointments, therapy, all that goes into running a household. And then when you travel and throw in, you know, house projects, it can be a lot.

 And today we've got this hustle culture too, that, pushes like go, go, go do, do, do, and that can be draining.

Rachel

Yeah, yeah. Not everyone that I work with now. It's so cool to see how it's all unfolded, but you know, it started with women who were trying to work from home or work online, make extra money. And that is not at all. I mean, that is some of who I still get to work with, but I'm also, you know, within the last week I've worked with a woman in her fifties who is currently unemployed and just trying to find her path. What are my strengths and my skills and my I don't even know you talk about I love your podcast here because you talk about, you know, how to make these decisions. And some of them are really big. And some of them aren't so big, but we do get stuck.

I have an online quiz that people can take it's free. I just did it because it was fun, but I've seen four main types that people fall in when we try to make decisions, you know, either you are making the plan and getting it done and taking action and you've got it all sorted and organized, but you struggle with the perfectionistic side. The one that I think you speak to the most is, this peacekeeper who, I want to make a decision, but I don't know if that's right. And I'm not really sure. And maybe I'll just go eat some ice cream instead or watch a show or go shopping or like anything other than trying to figure this out.

And, those sweet souls I love so much because it's not a lack of wanting, but there's fear, there's anxiety. And so I love the pieces you put out to break down, like, let's simplify this and let's lean on God. And so a lot of what I get to come in and do is say, "Hey, God does have purpose for your life. You were created intentionally, and it doesn't mean you have to go out and save the whole world, but it does mean that you have your own God given strengths and skills and passions. And let's, let's draw those out." That's my favorite piece of like, let me pull that out of you and then talk about what that could look like.

What do you want it to look like? What are your dreams? Cause that's, you're allowed to dream. Also, that little permission slip piece is fun. And so it's just such a fun process to watch women, whether they're 20, and just trying to figure out life or I've worked with one woman, she was in her eighties and like, life just looks different right now.

And I don't know what to do with it. And we just talk that out and make a plan and they go, this does, this does feel good. I can do things and it's beautiful to watch.

Lauren

Right. And I think God has placed a desire for purpose in us. So even when you're 80 years old, I mean, you find a lot of people when they retire, they feel this weird burden to like, wait, I'm, I'm not being useful anywhere.

Like, what am I going to do with my life? And they don't want to just sit around reading books and, you know, sipping on margaritas or something. They want to have some sort of purpose.

Rachel

Mm hmm. That's exactly. I was just talking with a friend just yesterday actually, and she's mid forties and she was talking about, you know, you go through all of life and it's always the next. What's the next thing? Because we're talking about how to live in the present and really savor the moment that you're in.

And I don't think. culture promotes that well. We don't know how to do that. And so she was just saying, you know, when I was little, it was like, well, what do you want to be when you grow up? And then you're planning to graduate high school. And then once you graduate, well, now I got to either I'm getting a job or I'm going to college.

What's next? What's get married, have kids. And then you get to that point, and it's like, now what? And I said, girl, that's what we call the midlife crisis. Cause we get  to that  point and it's like, I did the things I checked off the list or I didn't and have feelings about that. Right. Now what? And so. I think that piece of constantly coming back and I talk a lot about creating breathing room in our lives because you mentioned hustle culture doesn't allow for that, but it's so necessary. We have to create some breathing room in our life so that we can kind of sit for a hot second and think and reflect. What am I doing? What's working? What's not? Am I running on the hamster wheel or am I living intentionally? And if not, what could that look like? And so whether, like I said, whatever age you're at, there's always time to do that. And it has such benefit.

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Lauren

 Yeah. So now how could adding this rest help with decision making — since that's my topic?

Rachel

 Yes, yes, yes. Well, I think it's crucial. We talk a lot about, in the speaking and writing space, that it's kind of ironic God leads us to write and speak about the things that we struggled most with. And you've talked about that, making your hard decisions and now you're coaching other people on it.

Well, it's the same for me. I have severe ADHD and I wasn't diagnosed till I was 39. And so all through life, I've had to just come up with these systems and strategies to get things done or nothing would get done. I'm very squirrely. But the piece of  rest was not something I ever allowed myself to have. I was fully in on the hustle culture. Go, go, go, do, do, do. There's no time to think, just get it done. I recently was reading and listening to John Acuff. I don't know if you are familiar.  I adore  him. His latest stuff, he talks about, you know, dream, plan, do, and review. And I thought, dream, got it, plan it. I'm a good planner. Do it. I'm getting, you know, I'm doing the things. I'm sorry, what was that last one? You want me to what? I don't have time for that. And we leave off that reviewing, that reflecting. And if you do not have space, to rest, to sit, to think, which we don't allow, you're not going to be able to review. And if you just keep going and doing, you don't even know if what you're doing is working. You don't know if you're doing the things you should. Having time to make those decisions. The decision making doesn't happen in the doing. It has to happen  in the before and after. And if you're just deciding and doing, deciding and doing, how do you know if you're headed in the correct direction? And so I had to learn very difficult ways that that resting and reflecting and reviewing piece is crucial to actually living out your decisions. and keeping on the path that you actually want to be on. Instead of letting other people demand what direction you're going. You're able to live more proactively instead of reactively, which is huge.

Lauren

 Yeah, this is so good. I wish I had had this talk maybe, eight years ago when I was… how long have I started my business? I started, I left my day job in 2015. So however long ago that was, And I just kept changing directions because yes, I was trying to like, go, go, go, do, do, do. And Oh, that one, I don't really like that one's not really working out for me. And I never gave it a chance and I never took the time to just stop and review. And so I just kept pushing forward with trying new things and exploring new areas. As you said, Dreamer, like I definitely know and understand that one.

Rachel

 Yeah, we can dream it up all day!

Lauren

 Oh yeah. And that, that's where I tend to steer off God's path and just like, Oh, I've got this dream and Oh, this idea. And like, here's a product idea that I could get on Shark Tank. And then here's this software that could be Silicon Valley software. And my husband's like, "You know nothing about software, I know nothing about software, we live in South Florida. We're not moving to Silicon Valley to make this app that you think will work out."

And so just trying to, yeah, stay on track, but I think that rest and just sticking with it and pushing through or finding my rhythm could have really helped me to stick to one path.

Rachel

Yeah, no, you and me both says that's, I'm in the same boat. I got here and got to realize these things because I lived it out. Just like you were like, dream this, do that. Let's try this. No, maybe this one that didn't work. Maybe I'll. And then it's, "How did I get here? What am I doing and why am I doing it?" somewhere in the midst of like coaching and getting out of the online teaching world, I was working with women a lot on getting systems in place to manage your time. I do a lot of clarity coaching, but I also do time management. And so, we talk about how to dump all your ideas out, all your thoughts, the to do list, everything, how to prioritize it.

And you've got to have a system. And I had one system that I loved using and I could set it up for people. That was my business. I was just helping people get systems in place and building it out for them. And that was the doing, but I didn't stop to reflect for a very long time on why I was doing that. Why am I helping women with this? Why does this matter? And that was the moment when I stopped, rested, reflected on it, and that The part of it that really mattered to me was the part I wasn't even speaking to, and that was the why. Why is this important? Why do we want to manage our time better? Why do we need this clarity? And that was the piece where my ministry really came from. God was like, Hey girl, Hey, this is the important part. You should probably start talking about this. And so now I'm able to, speak to women on that topic. And I offer a renewal retreat where women can come just for a few days and just be, and rest and gather their thoughts.

And those are the pieces that fill my cup the most. I love it so much.

Lauren

 And probably fills the other people's cups as well.

Rachel

 Yeah. Oh, it's so, it's so great to see how they come in versus how they go.

 It's  just such, it's not anything I do. Like let me just, let's just take that off real quick. There's nothing that I do in that, that benefits them. It's just, they, they put themselves at the top of the to do list for once. Cause that's a piece of it. Like it's kind of a tough subject to talk about, especially in the Christian circles, but, women, we are really good at, you know, we put Jesus first and others are second, and then you put yourself last, bottom of the shoe. You don't get any time for yourself because whatever reason you've told yourself, you don't deserve it. You're not worth it. Everybody else comes first. But doing so means you've got nothing left to pour into anybody else.

 And  so part of the resting is to have that time to reflect and be purposeful and intentional. But also, you've got to be refilled so you can pour into other people.

Lauren

Yeah.

So let's talk about the word self care. I feel like growing up, I never heard that term before. And so it's been kind of a buzzword recently. And I think some people take it to the extreme and they use it as an excuse to then not serve in ministry, not serve their family, you know, kind of use it as laziness.

And then you've got other people that are like, I don't have time for self care. And you think it's just this luxury or something that is only for people who are retired and not just the general average, working person or stayed home mom. So how can we balance the filling ourselves up so that we can be in that good mental state with also being productive, serving others, serving the kingdom.

Rachel

I think I love this question so much because you're right. It went from what even is that to you must have this all the time. You deserve it. You know, you do you boo. And it just, it's overwhelming to see how much is out there. And there is a middle ground. I don't even know if it's a middle ground. I don't have the right word for it, except, we've got to get out of that. Grind yourself into the ground to serve everybody else. I like to say, you can't keep everybody else warm by lighting yourself on fire. That's, that's not how that works. Cause that's when we talk about burnout, you're crispy, you've got nothing left. And I talk about that quite a bit. Self care does not have to be pampering, massages, shopping and getting your nails done. Now, if that like helps you feel better and you have time, like that's great. But self care is more of the internal feeding your soul.

When I think of self care, I think within the course of my day, there has to be some time for me to have self care. Silence. First of all, I get overwhelmed with noise and I've got to have time to connect with God. And that may be five minutes in my Bible as I'm eating breakfast. Like it's not this big, I've got up at 4:30 and schedule an hour where I have this quiet time. That does not exist in my life. I have two teenagers. One has special needs and we're just doing our daily best over here. So the self care piece is how do I feel like I'm taking care of so that those two words are like my golden words so that I can pour into other people. It's not how do I fill myself so that I feel good and I'm taking care of, and I, I, I, it's how, how do I get that filled so that I can live in that service place and it not be a place of exhaustion. Or resentment. I mean, how many times you've been like scrubbing dishes and like stinking family, nobody's over here helping me. I do. You know, like I, we've all been in it. And that is not a servant heart. That's not where God wants us to serve from.

And I love going to scripture for truth. You know, that's that we talk about that. That's our baseline. And there are places in the gospels that I think we just kind of skip over because they're not the big stories. Like Jesus does this miracle and then Jesus goes and does this miracle. And then he has this conversation with his disciples, but those in between moments that we don't focus on say things like, and Jesus went away early in the morning to spend time in prayer with the father. It's like one little sentence or, and they asked Jesus to come and heal this person, but he said it was not time. And he stepped away or he just took two friends and he went in a quiet time early in the morning. Those people, like, if it's good enough for Jesus Christ, it's gotta be good enough for me. That, that was kind of a wake up call for me. The  son of God,   who was human and God all in one, took those times away from everybody. He was alone. He was with God. It was in the quiet times. Sometimes it was just with one or two of his closest disciples and he refilled his cup so that we could have all these other amazing stories that we read about him of doing the miracles and serving the people and sharing the gospel. That's what we're called to do too. If I want to be like Jesus and shine his light, then I've got to follow that example too. Not just the highlight reels version. So  yeah, Jesus prioritized it, then we need to, too.

Lauren

 Right.

 I found that in my life I need sleep and I'm the type that in the past I would push forward and push forward and, you know, I'm going to just stay up super late to take care of my business or to work on a house project or something. And then when I'm tired, that's when I snap at my husband. I get real frustrated with my kids easy. I don't want to make lunches for my kids, but I know I have to. So it's just kind of like a bunch of snacks thrown together. And I'm just not living out the best for my family because I'm exhausted. And I definitely find myself more agitated with just people in general, instead of living in a sense of peace and allowing the Holy Spirit to guide me, because I then also, when I'm that exhausted, don't wake up in time to do a Bible study and prayer time and have that time with God. And so, yeah, I've set that boundary that, no, I need sleep. And it felt almost selfish of me for a while.

 Because growing up, my family, I'm one of five kids, my parents were always on the go because all of us were involved in so many sports and activities. We were go, go, go. A lot of times dinner was like, Oh, let me grab an apple on my way here to this practice.

And my dad did a ton of things. He was constantly, he was working at a college while also building houses and getting his master's while visiting his parents every weekend and going to all of our sports activities. And so being productive and being on the go was always just a part of my life. And we didn't really have that much just dedicated rest time.

Even my mom, we'd sit down to watch a show at the end of the night and she's sitting there on her iPad and, um, or I guess back then it was magazines and you know, she's got her crafting out or a school project that she's helping somebody with. And now I'm to the point too, where a lot of times I can't just sit down on the couch at night to relax and watch a show with my husband. I have to have my computer out and be working on something, or I can't just take a bath without like, Oh, let me listen to a podcast or an audio book or some sort of doing,

Rachel

Yeah, it's a very intentional thing. And when I do talk about time management, like, cause that's the biggest question, like, where does it fit? Where does it go? I don't have time for that. It's like you talk, we're already multitasking and trying to give our focus to, you can't actually focus on more than one thing at a time, but we sure do try. And it is very intentional, just like what you mentioned with, you know, sitting with the family, we're watching a movie and I've got my laptop. I have to very intentionally think to myself, this is family movie time. There can not be other devices. And it's, it's gotten a little easier now that I have teens. My daughter's gonna start driving with her license. She's got a permit. She'll have her license this summer. And so she's got a phone and that's a thing. Like we don't have devices out while we're having family movie night. Well, I'm like pointing at myself. We don't have devices out. It goes both ways.

And so I do have to think to myself, this is an intentional thing. And so with that time management piece, I have to schedule in appointments. I just have to call them appointments. You know, I use the example of if you set an appointment with someone, you know, go to the doctor or have a hair appointment, or you're going to meet somebody for coffee. You don't just not go because there are dirty dishes on your sink and you should probably wash those instead. You made an appointment with someone and you respect them enough to show up and follow through with that. That's the responsible thing to do, right? Well, if I set an appointment with myself that I am going to sit for 15 minutes and read in this Bible study that I'm doing, or I'm going to stretch, do some yoga for 15 minutes because my body needs that stretching and movement with my chronic illnesses. I can't not do it because the laundry needs to be folded. That's an appointment and I have to respect myself enough, which is tricky. Like you said, it feels selfish, but If you remember the, "so that" piece, if I don't stop and read in my Bible, I'm not listening for God's direction today. If I don't do this stretching, I'm going to be in so much pain and I'm going to be so cranky later and I'm going to gripe at my family. I do these things, not because I'm selfish and want to do what I want to do, but I do it so that I can be that person that God needs me to be. And that just puts a whole different spin on it. So that's why those two words, I just, I will kind of wallow in them. That's how it allows me to live that way.

Lauren

  Yeah. I feel like that needs to be the title of this episode. Something with “so that,”

Rachel

 There you go.

Lauren

 So with that said, I think. We have a great basis to move forward. So I want people's homework this week to be to schedule in, put on your calendar, some of what you need to recharge and to rest so that you can move forward with peace and in the, the good health that you need in order to take care of your family, serving the kingdom, your business, whatever you have on your plate.

Rachel

 Love that.

Lauren

 Rachel, tell everyone where they can find you online and, you know, your renewal retreat, that quiz that you had mentioned.

Rachel

 Yeah, well, everything can be found on my website. It's racheldbaker.com. Apparently there are multiple Rachel Bakers. It's not an abnormal name. So racheldbaker.com and, you can find the podcast, you can find the quiz, the wait list for the renewal retreat. At the time we're recording this, I'm planning the one coming up for this fall, 2024, and I'm so excited for the next one. And I'm most active probably on Instagram so you can come find me over there. I love connecting with people in the DMs and that's @Rachel.d.baker. And I just love connecting with people. So holler.

Lauren

 All right. Awesome. We will. And then I do end all of my interviews with a few rapid fire questions that you have to make a decision on.

  • So are you an indoor workout or an outdoor workout person?  Ooh, indoor for sure. If I work out, yes.

  •   Action movie or romantic comedy?  Ooh, action.

  •   Lake house or beach house.  Beach house.

  •   DIY craft or cooking.  Ooh, I guess DIY craft.

  •   And barbecue or sushi.  Sushi, all the way.

 Okay. All right. Well, thank you so much. This was so wonderful. I know people are going to be very encouraged by this. I know I am encouraged by this and need reminders of this all the time, because I am the type to just push it and not stop and rest and go with that hustle culture and just have too much on my plate.

So thank you so much. And we'll see you around on the internet.

Rachel

 Thank you so much!

Lauren

 Bye.

Outro:  Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoy this show, it would mean the world to me for you to leave a rating and review. Reviews help me know which episodes you've enjoyed the most so I can continue making content you love, and it helps get the podcast into the earbuds of more lovely listeners like you.

See you next week.

Decision Making, Living with PurposeLauren BlackGuest Interview, Life Coach, Rachel Baker, Intentional Living, Rest and reset, Importance of taking time to reviewComment