027: Ask a Decision Coach: Should I buy the new build or the fixer upper?
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Show Notes
Are you torn between two big choices and don’t know which one is right for you? In this episode of Ask a Decision Coach, I help Marie navigate her decision between a fixer-upper with land or a move-in-ready home in a tight-knit community. Instead of relying on a pros and cons list, we use my SAIL Method to align her decision with her values, priorities, and long-term goals. If you’ve ever faced a major decision—whether it’s about housing, career, or family—this episode will give you a framework to move forward with confidence. Plus, learn how you can submit your own decision dilemma for a future episode!
Links From This Episode:
✨ Submit a Question for Ask a Decision Coach – anchoreddecisions.com/podcast
✨ Download My Free Decision Compass – anchoreddecisions.com/compass
✨ Decision Scorecard (Weighted Decision Matrix) – anchoreddecisions.com/scorecard
✨ How to Ditch Your Pros & Cons List and Make Better Decisions – www.anchoreddecisions.com/blog/simplify-tough-decisions-weighted-decision-scorecard
✨ The SAIL Method for Decision-Making – anchoreddecisions.com/4
✨ Show Notes & Links: anchoreddecisions.com/27
Key Points:
🔑 Why a pros & cons list won’t make your decision for you
🔑 How to identify whether your decision is about lifestyle, values, or practical needs
🔑 The SAIL Method: Self-Awareness, Impact, and Litmus Test
🔑 How past experiences can guide future decisions
🔑 Evaluating the long-term impact of your choice (financially, emotionally, spiritually, and relationally)
🔑 Problem-solving potential roadblocks creatively
🔑 Why no decision is permanent and how to give yourself grace in the process
🔑 How to use a weighted decision matrix to quantify your priorities
Your Action Step for the Week:
Start practicing better decision-making by clarifying your top values and priorities. Download my free Decision Compass at anchoreddecisions.com/compass and use it to set your foundation before making big decisions.
🔔 Don’t forget to subscribe for more faith-based decision-making tips!
Connect with me on social media:
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Check out my website and decision guide shop:
www.anchoreddecisions.com
www.anchoreddecisions.com/shop
Transcript
Hey guys, for today's episode, I have something completely new and this is called "Ask a Decision Coach." So it's where someone can submit a question and I will answer how to come to a conclusion for your decision on air. If you'd like to be part of this and submit one of your own questions to ask me, then go to my website at anchoreddecisions.com/podcast, scroll to the bottom and you'll see there where you can submit a topic, or you can submit to have on air coaching, where I walk you through one on one and you get free coaching from me if you do it as a podcast episode. So I'm excited for today's episode, something new, and she will be asking about a housing decision where she is torn between two options.
Intro: Welcome to the Anchored Decisions Show. I'm your host, Lauren Black, the world's biggest overthinker turned decision coach, all by the grace of God. Now I'm on a mission to help you make easier decisions, discover God's will and live with purpose. Tune in weekly to hear real life decision stories, expert insights, and faith based strategies to help you navigate your decisions with confidence. So ditch your pros and cons list and learn to make better decisions without asking your mom or losing another night of sleep. Let's go.
The “Ask a Decision Coach” question:
All right, guys, so today's question for "Ask a Decision Coach" comes from Marie and here's her question. It's a little long, so stay with me. So she goes,
Would you buy a $700,000 home that was built in 2002 with 3,200 square feet, three acres, and an in ground pool and a hot tub, though it's a fixer upper that needs about $100,000 worth of renovations for remodeling the kitchen and the bathrooms.
Or, would you buy a new 2025 home with 2,800 square feet with the smallest lot ever? The houses are practically on top of each other, but the neighborhood has a resort style pool and playground. And the home already has your ideal kitchen and bathrooms. This one's listed for $829,000.
She goes on to say, my mom and dad had previously remodeled an entire home, and they think I should go that route, but I feel like it's too much work and not worth it.
And here's some context from her on her family and lifestyle, because this is so important for coming to a conclusion and making a confident decision for what's best for you. Marie says, I have three very young kids and I'm seeing the advantages that the community and neighborhood has to offer, but my dad has seen the advantages of the three acres.
My husband has no input. He says he doesn't care either way. More context. She says, I am a stay at home mom. I have a four month old, a one year old and a four year old. I grew up on a farm with cows, horses, chickens, and rabbits. My husband and I currently live in a home that's almost 200 years old, and I'm on about a half acre.
I do the majority of the yard work because my husband works out of the state for weeks at a time. I do love to garden, but I hate the yard maintenance when my husband is gone. My oldest is homeschooled, and we plan to homeschool all three of them. Because of the homeschooling, I'm leaning towards the new home with the community. But, if our kids ask to be put in public school, then the new build is zoned for the best school in the state. I like the thought of my kids making friends in the neighborhood, and with me being a stay at home mom, I like the thought of adult interaction when my husband is gone. I feel like if we live on three acres, then I will never see other people.
But I feel like when my kids are older, I'll prefer the three acres. I also feel the older home is better built. If we remodel, my parents will be doing the majority of the work as they did their entire home, from sheetrock to electrical to the plumbing. Any insight?
All right. So hopefully you followed that.
I'll try to sum it up real quick. So basically she's torn between an older home that is very well built. It's on three acres, so lots of land to kind of go along with what she grew up with, of having land and animals, but it's a fixer upper and needs work on the kitchen and the bathrooms. It has a pool.
And then the other home that's new, it's moving ready. It has community built in around it with lots of close knit houses and a community pool. So what should she do?
Well, I am going to try to keep my opinions out of this because as a coach, I am not here to express my thoughts and opinions. I am here to help you select what's best for you and your family.
Cause I might know exactly which one I would choose of these two options, but that doesn't matter at all. We all have different preferences, priorities, desires and goals for our lives and our family. So, Marie, I feel you on how torn you are on this question. You know, one seems like a better fit now, the other seems like a better fit down the road. One is moving ready, the other is built stronger. One fosters more community, the other fosters more outdoor time. One has a private pool, the other has a nice community pool. Just listing these pros and cons won't get you to a conclusion. And this is why a pros and cons list won't make your decision for you. It can only support it. Clarity comes when you align your choices with who you are, what you value, and where you're going. So if you want more on why you should ditch your pros and cons list for making your decision, go listen to episode four and I share about what you could do instead, which we'll be getting into a little bit at the end of this episode, but it goes much more in depth in that episode.
Where to start with making a big decision
But for now, we're going to focus on going through my SAIL Method — so that's S A I L — my decision making framework, and it stands for self awareness, impact, and litmus test.
So first, while we're looking at this decision, you need to know exactly what you're deciding between. You need to look at your options.
And I try to think of out of the box options, because you may be looking at this as, okay, we know her options. Her options are, House A, the house with all the land that's a fixer upper, or House B, the brand new house in the tight community. Sometimes we get so caught up in the details that we miss the bigger picture.
What are you actually comparing? Dig deeper into the layers
So, step back, widen your lens, and consider all of your options, including the ones you haven't thought of yet. So, what are we actually comparing? Are we comparing these two homes? Not really. We're actually comparing what lifestyle Marie wants. Does she want close knit community with easy connection to other families where her kids run around the neighborhood and play with each other, making friends and you know, she would be able to connect deeper with neighbors and having more time right now by not having to renovate as well as more time overall by less yard work.
But she might not feel as at home, like the place she grew up in. And she'll have a lot less privacy. Or is she looking at more of a farm lifestyle where the kids run around in nature, she can have a garden, more privacy. It'll feel more homey, like what she grew up in, but she'll have to go through a little bit of the stress and, I'm in it right now, the horror of living through a renovation. So look at, let's look at the lifestyle options more than just the houses, because a house is a house. It's a building that you can update. You can put your own personality into it, but the lifestyle is what's really going to make or break this decision.
What are the options? Think outside the box and problem-solve any of the hindrances or downsides
So now that we've looked at what we're actually comparing, let's also look at the different options. As I said, sometimes you need to step back, widen your lens and look at your options because there might not be just A and B. Thinking creatively can really help you problem solve some of the issues that you might have with these houses.
So one of the options could be to buy in the community while the kids are little. Buy in the close knit new house community while the kids are little and then sell it later and buy something with land when they're older. Or maybe if her garden is really important and she liked that aspect of the house with a lot of land, then maybe could you set up a vegetable garden that's like vertical along a fence in the smaller community.
Maybe she could rent a house in that community or a similar community like it just to see how do I feel about having my neighbors right on top of me, and how do I feel about you know a lot of times those smaller neighborhoods, they have really small driveways and not much of a yard, as she said, so where are the kids going to kick a soccer ball around and throw a football or ride their bikes? Is that safe? Is that something that she wants? And so test it out by renting first.
Another option is to wait to buy a house until she finds one that's less of a compromise. Like, do you have to buy right now? Or could there be a house that maybe has some land, but also close enough to other neighbors that you have more of a community and that way you don't feel so lonely. I know for me growing up, my best friend lived in this three story house that was on a pond. And when they first bought their house, or I guess I think they probably built it when they first built their house, they bought three pieces of land, three properties.
And so they had this huge piece of property to the left and a decent sized piece of property to the right of their house. So they had a fence and they had goats and guinea pigs and all sorts of animals. At one point, they had over a hundred animals at their house to the point where my friend's preschool class went to her house as a field trip because they had so many animals.
So it's like she got that farm lifestyle, but literally in the middle of just a normal neighborhood and which was just like house after house after house, but they just happen to have extra land that they could use for that farm. So could you find something like that? Might be a needle in a haystack to find, but are you willing to wait to find something?
Now, could you hold off on the renovations until you have more money to hire it all out or wait for a break in your husband's traveling schedule for him to help out if it's a concern of yours to have your parents doing the updates for you, or even just doing the construction in general.
Now looking at the farmhouse, if the lawn maintenance is your biggest holdup, could you get goats to help you maintain the grass? Like they eat like nothing else. I saw it at my friend's house growing up that those goats will eat anything. So could you get some goats to help you maintain the land? Or could you hire a landscaper to come out and maintain the landscaping? Could you just keep and maintain a small section of that land and then just let the rest go wild for now. Is it, you know, something you have to keep up with or can you just kind of let it go and get to it down the line when the kids are older and maybe they could help out.
And then as for if you did the farmhouse and you're looking for friends and community, could you host a homeschooling co op at your house multiple days a week? And that way You're making use of your big piece of land and this bigger home, and you're still getting that adult interaction time where you're connecting with other homeschool families, your kids are still getting that community where they're playing with other kids.
So it's always good to look at what are some ways to problem solve the issues? What are some ways to think outside the box, and what are some alternative options here?
And then just remember that this doesn't have to be your end all be all decision. Besides certain things like life or death, or having a baby, those don't go away and change, but while a home is a big decision, it's not a permanent one. If you hate it, you can sell it. If something doesn't work, you can pivot. So don't let the fear of making the wrong choice keep you from making the right one for the season of your life.
The SAIL Method Decision-Making Framework
So, now that we've looked at all of the angles, looked at all of the options, it's time to start going through that SAIL Method framework.
S.A. – Self-Awareness
So the S A in SAIL Method is self awareness. So Marie has already stated some of her wants and needs and desires, but basically your self awareness is setting a really good foundation of getting really clear on what your values are, your long term goals, your desires. And then looking at the three P's, your personality, preferences, priorities.
And I want you to actually write these things out, spend time journaling. Clarity doesn't come from just thinking about a decision. It comes from digging deep, asking better questions, giving yourself the space to be honest about what truly matters.
So take your time with this, really get to know yourself well, and what you desire. Because if you have a list of 15 priorities, those aren't really priorities. They might compete with each other. You might have something where your family time and spending one on one time with your kids is super important, but then also having your kids make friends and spend time with friends and build those connections is important.
But what happens when they're in conflict with one another, when your only spare time, the kids want to build friendships, but you want to spend time building connections with them. And so, you know, you need to know which one's a higher priority in order to make the best decision. So within the self awareness section, the top three questions that I have for Marie to dive into her self awareness are:
1. What are your non negotiables? Basically, what is the most important to you that you're not willing to compromise on no matter what, if you don't take the time to define your non negotiables, you risk making a decision that might compromise on what your values are and what you really stand for or what you really want.
So for Marie, this could be safety, she wants a home able to withstand natural disasters or a home that gives them peace and security while her husband's out of state. It could be her emotional well being is a non negotiable for her, that she needs that adult interaction in order to be the best mom she can be and in order to continue keeping up with homeschooling. Or it could be a garden space, that outdoor space and growing her own food might be the most important to her, might be something that she is not willing to compromise on. And those are, once again, certain things that might be non negotiable you might have initially looked at one option and thought that like, "Oh, that one doesn't qualify," but maybe there's a way to make it qualify.
Maybe, yes, it might take a little more work, but if it's really that important to you, you can make it happen.
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And now question number two in the self awareness section:
2. What can you learn about your past that might impact your future? So how have you really felt about maintenance of that half acre? Does it bring you joy or is it something you completely dread? How have you felt when you've gone longer periods without adult interaction in the past? Is that something you've been able to handle? Can you get over it? Or does it send you into isolation and depression? If you do feel isolated in the past, have you been good about scheduling play dates and hangouts and adult interaction time with other people. Or do you tend to wait to be invited to something by someone else? And then when you're not, you just sit there isolated and lonely.
So look at your past, how you've handled similar situations before is a clue to how you'll feel in the future. So don't assume that this time will be different just because it might be fresh and exciting right now. That honeymoon phase of a new house will wear off pretty quickly when you're left with reality, and you might be stuck with that house for a long time. So let's make sure you're having a good, realistic look at your life and how you've handled things in the past.
Alright, and question number three is:
3. What are your long-term goals and desires? So Marie mentioned wanting to be on larger acreage when the kids are older. So what else does she picture for her home long term? You know, what does she desire for her kids and their friendships long term? Their childhood, thinking of, growing up, what does she want for her kids to look back on and remember about their childhood and growing up? And then looking at their education, what does she really want for that long term and if she does choose the farmhouse and it's not in a good school district and homeschooling is not working out or her kids are begging to go to public school, will they be able to move then or settle for a school that's not as highly ranked as the other neighborhood?
And then also looking at long term, does her husband plan on staying in his position for a while? Because if he is changing jobs and he'll be home more being able to help out around the yard, then the hindrance of the yard might not even be a factor they need to consider. So what type of lifestyle do they actually want? And yes, you want to look at right now, but also look at down the line, big picture.
I. — Impact
Okay, so that was SA in the SAIL Method. The I is impact. Every decision you make has ripple effects. It affects your relationships, your emotional wellbeing, your finances, your spiritual life, your physical wellbeing. So if you don't weigh the impact, you might end up regretting what seemed like a good choice at first.
So looking at this relationally, how will this impact not only your relationship with your kids and with your spouse, with your parents, with your friends, but also how will it affect those people that you're close to? Do your kids have a say in what they want? Is one of these houses closer to your parents or further away? I know for me, being close to family was really important. And now that I have kids, I am seeing the full effects of that, that it is amazing having my sister down the street. My other sister, like 10 minutes away, we all have kids around the same ages, and that has been so helpful for raising kids.
So, next you look at emotionally, how will you handle the stresses of living in a construction zone, but remember that that's just temporary. How will you handle the loneliness if you choose the farmhouse of not having friends just right next door? Or if you choose the house in the community, how will living right on top of your neighbors make you feel, if you have any overbearing neighbors, or maybe you feel uncomfortable without having a ton of privacy, those are all emotional impacts on you.
And then physically, think about anything that affects your physical wellbeing. So safety, health, your sleep, your time. And once again, we want to be looking at this through the lens of not only right now, but down the line.
And then financially, this is a big one for a lot of people, they tend to have unrealistic expectations of finances and don't look at the actual facts and data of what's out there, or think about the ripple effect of the finances. So if you buy an older home, that's really quality, but it's older. Are things going to start falling apart sooner? You might need to replace the air conditioning. You might need to replace your appliances. You might have a pipe burst, things like that, that will cost you down the line. Now, if you're buying a newer house, that's already updated and fresh, but it was kind of that cookie cutter, they threw it up in a month. You didn't seem to think it was as quality as the other one. It might look shiny and fresh and new now, but if they put in really cheap appliances or did things to cut costs in the construction, is it going to hold up? Or down the line are you going to have more maintenance than you would have if you had chosen the quality house that was a little bit older? So look at all the finances involved, get really real. Talk with financial expert if you need. And even that, $30,000 difference that they had between the costs of the two houses, how will that impact you down the line, if you're looking at taxes being higher, mortgage rates being higher and having to pay interest on the home, like what will that cost look like in 30 years? How much higher will it be when you're looking at it long term.
And then the final impact is spiritually, for those of us who are Christians. Which if you're listening to this podcast, it is a Christian based podcast. So I always look at the spiritual impact of things. How these two houses impact you spiritually. So will being in more of a nature environment to help you feel connected to God's presence, or we'll having all that lawn maintenance take away from your time of being able to spend time with God? Will being near neighbors that maybe aren't Christians give you an opportunity to have purpose and feel like you can pour into them and love on them the way Jesus does and share Christ with your neighbors around you? Or will there be negative influences on your kids from a secular environment where you don't have as much control over the types of families your kids are playing with because they're just the neighbors, that's who's there, versus if you're inviting people into your home then you can kind of filter who's, you know, influencing your kids a little more. So just think about which one spiritually overall was, as far as your purpose, your connection with God, your time with God, and pouring into your kids spiritually are affected by the home that you choose.
L. — Litmus Test
So moving on, we are going to look at the L.
Now at this point in the SAIL Method, a lot of people are already clear on which direction to take. They've looked at their foundation of who they really are, what their desires are, what they want, and then they look at the impacts of how it affects them wholly as a person and everything around them.
And now if they still are torn, because trust me, so many times, these hard decisions are hard for a reason because you just don't know which one is the choice you're going to prefer longterm, which one is going to be better, which one are you going to be happier with? You just don't know.
And so at this point you take it to the L in the SAIL Method, and that is your litmus test. And this is figuring out what are your highest priorities and how do these options align with those priorities? So now you go back through everything we've talked about and look at all of the deciding factors in this decision, even if it seems small. So certain things we haven't even talked about yet in this type of home buying decision, and that's whether the house is good for entertaining or not. Does it have a good layout that you like? Does it have enough bedrooms? Just because the square footage in one is bigger than the other, that might not have all the bedrooms that you want for hosting family from out of town or for having a homeschool room or maybe it's important for you for each kid to have their own room or you want a playroom space. So, you know, what are those factors?
Things that are important to you in this decision, and these will be different for every single person who goes through the SAIL Method, because we all have different things that we value and that we care about in a home decision and career decisions, whatever you're facing, it's all going to look different depending on who the person is and your family.
So look through all the deciding factors and just list them out to start. List off anything you can think of, go to chat GPT, if you need . I use chap GPT or other AI bots a lot in helping me come up with even going back to that list of like, what are my other options or what am I actually deciding between besides just two houses? Oh, I'm deciding between lifestyle, like go to chat GPT for help with these things and to list off all the factors, especially if you're not one that these things come easy to. For me, I am an ideas person. I can brainstorm and come up with 50 things in five minutes. But for you, if you're just sitting there stuck, like, I don't know, I guess square footage and the pool, that's all I can think of and like move in ready. But go through, come up with this list, and then I want you to rearrange your list. So get out a separate piece of paper and start writing them down in order of priority. And I like to make it a little easier instead of having to exactly be like, okay, one, two, three, four, like, wait, which one's more important? Two or three? No, you just have categories.
You can have your highest priorities, your middle priorities, and your lowest priorities, and then things that you don't care about at all. And those ones, you just cross off your list and they're gone. You don't need to worry about them. Everything else gets plugged into one of those top middle and bottom priority lists.
This is the time where you look at this list and start comparing it to your options. Which of your options aligns with these priorities the best? And I actually have a really cool spreadsheet that I use to help you come up with a numerical score for these by giving them each a number ranking.
So it might be that this house, the yard, gets a 10 and that one the yard gets a 2. And then if that was in your top priority, it'll multiply it by a certain set amount in order to then give you a final score that shows you which one aligns best with your priorities. So I really want you to take your time with this section of figuring out what your top priorities are.
And that's why we did spend so much time diving into your self awareness so that you're able to more easily rank these to see, "Oh, wait, I put that one of my values was family time, so I want to make sure that family time, together and that quality time as a family is put in that top tier of what's most important."
So you basically plug all of these top tier items, middle tier and lowest priority items into your spreadsheet, rank each option according to those, and then voila, it gives you a numerical score because over thinkers like me can't just evaluate in my head. I need a quantified answer that says, here's the one that you said aligns best because of you ranking these things as the highest importance.
You can find that decision scorecard, I call it, on my website at AnchoredDecisions.com/scorecard. I also have a blog post that goes over how to use the scorecard. That you can find in the show notes at AnchoreDecisions.com/27. So make sure you look at the show notes there for all these links that I've mentioned today.
What I Feel Marie Should Choose
But, overall, if we're looking at Marie's options, if I had to choose for Maria, now I know I said I wasn't going to give an opinion, but if I did have to choose for Maria, based on what she said that she was looking for, I would say that the community with low maintenance, for this season of life, would be her best option. Now, if she could problem solve some of the issues that she had with the other house like finding a way to have more community and invite people into her house or having standing playdates with people or having where her parents come watch the kids once a week for her to get out and have some adult time with friends, or if she finds a way to take care of the yard maintenance while her husband's away so she doesn't dread it and it doesn't take away from her family time, then I'd say that that that one's the stronger option that she should go with because it will give her the long term of what she's looking for, of wanting to live on more land, wanting to have space to farm and have animals and grow a garden and things like that. So, it just depends on what her priorities are and how well she can problem solve.
Action Step
So now today's action step is that if you are facing a big decision, or even if you're not there yet, this action step can totally help you be prepared for the future decisions.
And this is to dive into some self awareness questions to really get to know what you want out of life, what your goals are, what are your dreams, your desires, what are your non negotiables that other decisions, even small decisions, might depend on it. You might have a two birthday parties you're invited to on the same weekend and feel like, you know what, my emotional health cannot handle the stress of going to back to back parties on the same day, so I have to choose one or the other, and that's a non negotiable for me that I only take on one birthday party a day on a weekend or one per weekend, you know, things like that, when you set that foundation and get really clear, then you're able to make those decisions with a lot more peace and clarity. So, and actually come to think of it, I do have a free resource for you that will help you set your decision lens and really go through those self awareness questions, and you can find that at AnchoredDecisions.com/compass. It's my decision compass to really help you set the direction for your decisions. So that was your action step today. Go download my decision compass and go through those self awareness questions.
Closing Prayer
And now let's pray us out.
Father, God, I thank you for Marie, for her willingness to ask a question, to really dive in and be able to find the right answer. I pray that you would give her peace, that you would help her figure out what is best for her and her family, what she really wants long term, and what ways she could problem solve in order to not have to compromise on her decision.
And so God, I pray for anyone else facing a decision that you would help give them peace and clarity that you would direct their steps and you would just give them guidance so that they're able to move forward and make a decision and take action. So thank you God for giving us the gifts of self awareness and being able to go through the SAIL Method to come up with a good conclusion.
So God, we praise you and we give you all the glory for helping us through our decisions in Jesus name. Amen.