Buyer's Remorse or Just a Bad Product? When to Give Yourself Grace

You know the feeling — that eye-clenching, nose scrunching, gut-wrenching feeling — of a purchase you regret.

I spent so much on this and it already broke!
I should’ve known it was too good to be true.
The reviews were so good, how come mine doesn’t work?
I had no idea how many extra items I’d need to purchase to get everything to work properly.
I should’ve listened to my gut, rather than the “expert.”

Most call those negative feelings associated with a purchase as buyer's remorse, which I share more about in this post.

But are all of those actually buyer's remorse? Or could some of your cynical feelings have a root cause in something else?

To start, we'll need to define what buyer's remorse really is.

I like the definition provided by Car and Driver: "Buyer’s remorse can be described as a feeling of anger, disappointment, or even depression after making a big purchase that you regret." (Source)

Let's take that one step further and define regret: Regret is distress of mind, sorrow for what has been done or failed to be done. (Source)

Regret. Buyer's remorse. These feelings point the finger back to you. It's your fault that this purchase didn't meet expectations, so you feel guilty or distressed.

But what about the disappointing purchases that weren't your fault? Should you live with regret over those? Let’s examine 6 frustrating buying situations that might not be your fault.

6 Things Most People Mistake as Buyer's Regret:

1. Poor quality

Sometimes you can do all the research you want and you still end up with a low-quality product.

• Perhaps your brand new, shiny car had to be towed to the dealership every 6-12 months for the first 5 years, while all the others of that make and model were fine! You bought a defective product... you didn't make a poor decision.*

• What about that $500 vacmop — from the same company that made your favorite robot vacuum that's been running great for yearrrrs — that stopped working just after the 1-year warranty ended. Things break... you didn't make a poor decision.*

• Or how about that all-in-one website platform that promised it could do everything but whose "all-in-one" features ended up being too basic to fulfill your needs. You subscribed to an inadequate software... you didn't make a poor decision.*
  

2. Hidden costs or false price quotes

If you've ever watched HGTV for more than 5 minutes, you're guaranteed to have seen hidden costs come up with pretty much every renovation. Hidden costs creep up on you. They reflect poor or sleazy communication from the seller more than a lack of diligence from the buyer.

• When the building inspector promised that your leaky roof just needed a patch, but after signing the mortgage you discover the roof needs to be completely replaced.*

• When you've budgeted for tree removal to put in a new pool, but hadn't calculated — or been warned about — the ridiculous expense of excavating the roots.

• When you drove hours to purchase a used car with an unbeatable listing price, only to pay thousands in extra dealership fees.*

• When your accounting software, which hosts years of your financial records, triples your pricing upon renewal.*

3. Misleading advertising

If you've ever bought something impulsively off a Facebook ad that came in completely different than advertised (if at all), you know the pain of false advertising. Some of those you laugh off as, "I knew it was probably too good to be true" — like the $150 "Hunter" rain boots I found for $15 in a Facebook ad, but instead received a pair of argyle socks… yeah, that was my bad. But what about the purchases that you feel deceived by?

• That expensive business coaching program you weren't 100% sure you were a fit for, but the coaches promised you were, that ended up providing zero ROI because it wasn't actually applicable to your industry.*

• That software advertising certain features and functionality that ended up only being available under their premium membership, which was out of your budget.*

• An app that you could download and configure for free, but one month later started charging you a monthly fee you never saw mentioned.*

• A giant sign reading "kids eat free with the purchase of an adult entree" at the front of the restaurant, with "Tuesdays only" in tiny, faint letters at the bottom.*
  

4. Compatibility issues

My husband would rather spend a week trying to fix a problem himself via YouTube tutorials than hire things out... but in doing so, he often runs into compatibility issues with parts he's purchased. More often than not, he can’t return the items since he’s already opened them. He knows that’s a possibility when he’s DIYing something unfamiliar, so he accepts it and moves on. On the other hand, some compatibility issues are of no fault to the buyer and can be extremely frustrating.

• A web plugin that doesn’t work with the version of software you use.*

• A “universal” remote that won’t sync with your TV.

• A printer that advertises its compatibility with all computer types, but has major glitches when used on your operating system.
  

5. Change in circumstances

Perhaps you made a big purchase — such as a house or a car — and then had a drastic change to your income or circumstances.

• You or your spouse lost their job.

• A medical emergency landed you with ridiculous medical bills.

• A natural disaster destroyed your home.

• A global pandemic flipped everything upside down.*

While it's understandable to be upset — and even scared — about how to pay off this new purchase, that's not buyer's remorse (unless, of course, you knew finances were tight and purchased anyway, without an emergency fund in place).

6. Fear

Yes, my friend, you read that right... often we think we regret making a purchase, when in reality, we're just scared.

• You bought an expensive new car and are worried people might judge you for being bougie, or you’re afraid of putting even a ding into it.*

• You purchased a course on how to launch a podcast, as well as all the audio & recording equipment, but are terrified that it'll flop.

• You signed a lease on a restaurant space, but now are nervous that you don't have what it takes to run a successful dining establishment.

*Based off my personal experiences. So, yeah, I've had my fair share of frustrating purchases.

Distinguishing a Bad Product from a Bad Decision

How do you know if you purchased a bad product or made a bad decision?

Your purchase may be just a bad product or service if:

1. You did your research, talked the decision through with someone, crunched the numbers, tested the product/service yourself or followed a raving referral from someone you trust before purchasing.

2. Your purchase resonates with any of the 6 circumstances listed above.

3. If you answer “no” to: If this product had worked out, would you still regret it?

If your purchase didn’t connect with any of the 6 mistaken circumstances above, you feel it would’ve been a mistake even if it had worked out, or you skipped some foundational steps like research & finances — then you’re probably dealing with true buyer’s remorse. If that’s you, go check out this article on how to handle purchases you regret.

What to do if your purchase is not buyer’s remorse?

If you’ve determined this bad purchase wasn’t your “fault,” there's no need to feel guilt or remorse. Frustration? Anger? Disappointment? Absolutely! But not remorse.

You're often your biggest critic and may think: "I'm so stupid!" "What was I thinking?" or "Why did I waste my hard-earned money on that?!" Shut those thoughts down!!

Give yourself grace for the purchases that didn't work out. Shift your mindset to: "I tried my best and it didn't work out," "Sometimes you don't know until you try," or "Mistakes happen." 

Living in remorse, or even anger & frustration, does not benefit anyone whatsoever!

I love the verse: "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" (Matthew 6:25) The same is true if you swap worrying with any of these terms. "Who of you by living with [regret | anger | frustration] can add a single hour to his life?" No one. Instead, you waste so much time and mental energy musing over the situation. Frustration actually suppresses dopamine (you know, the happy hormone) which is why frustration over one thing makes you easily irritated by even small things — which only causes you to lash out at loved ones or get stuck in a negative mood.

So, play the mental game and turn those thoughts around. In the words of Elsa — let it go, let it goooo! And then move on to more productive thoughts!

Oh, and if you want to ensure you don’t end up with buyer’s remorse in the future, definitely scroll down to the end of this article… and be sure to check out my buyer’s guide page. There’s a fun quiz to determine whether or not you should purchase something you’ve been considering.