010: How to envision your decisions: Mastering long-term thinking and strategic vision
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Show Notes
Struggling with a decision because you're not sure how it'll turn out? While you can never know exactly how things will play out, there are steps you can take gain clarity for each outcome... which will help you make more aligned, informed decisions. In this episode we explore 4 steps towards envisioning your decision to help you choose the best path. Minimize your risks and regrets through conducting proper decision research, visualizing the short-term and long-term impacts of each option, and strategically planning for what you desire most.
Links Mentioned:
· Episode 9: Research steps before making a decision
· Episode 2: When your heart and head disagree on a decision
· Episode 3: SAIL Method and 5 impact areas
· Episode 5: Plan, Pray, Pursue
· Questioning to Confident General Decision Guide: www.anchoreddecisions.com/decisionguide use code “podcast” for 10% off your purchase
· From outro: Free decision compass: www.anchoreddecisions.com/compass
· Show notes: www.anchoreddecisions.com/10
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Transcript
Hey friends. And this week's episode, we are diving into how to envision your decision. So looking at how you can picture yourself in the outcome of this decision to figure out which one you want the most, which one you will feel the best in. You do not have a crystal ball. You don't know exactly how things will turn out, but there are some steps you can take to make an informed decision and to picture some general outcomes of what it could look like for you down the line.
Intro: Welcome to the Anchored Decisions Show. I'm your host, Lauren Black, the world's biggest overthinker turned decision coach, all by the grace of God. Now I'm on a mission to help you make easier decisions, discover God's will, and live with purpose. Tune in weekly to hear real life decision stories, expert insights, and faith based strategies to help you navigate your decisions with confidence. So ditch your pros and cons list and learn to make better decisions without asking your mom or losing another night of sleep. Let's go.
You know, in movies where the character is picturing how something will turn out if they choose a certain path or depending on what's going on around them, the screen goes wavy and you're now inside the head of the character, watching the scene play out as they picture it happening. Well, my brain does that too.
I can often visualize how something's going to turn out. Am I always, right? No, especially since I tend to think worst case scenario. Like, oh, this is going to end in someone getting hurt and then they land their crazy stunt and I'm bewildered. My husband laughs at me when we're watching a movie and I predict what's going to happen and it's nothing like what happens.
But when it comes to making decisions, I think it is important to try to envision what the outcome could be, depending on which path you choose, which choice, which option. A lot of times when you're facing a decision, it's hard to commit or even face the decision because you're picturing it turning out in not a good way, or you just don't know what it's going to turn out like. And so you're afraid to even make the decision.
So, how can you overcome this fear of making the decision or facing the decision, and actually start to picture what each option might look like, so you can get a better idea of which path you should take?
I have four steps for you for how you can start to envision your decision and start picturing yourself in the future of what each path could look like.
Step 1: Start with research
Step number one is to start with research. You really need to dive into the facts, the data, the truth about the circumstance around you and what you're diving into. It's one thing to picture yourself in a scenario, but that could just be all hypothetical. It could be completely off base from reality if you're not basing it on some truth, some data . I'm not going to dive into these research steps now, because last week's episode, I covered six steps to doing research before making a decision. So go back and listen to episode nine so that you can see some ways to have a very informed decision.
Now, why is it important to do your research before starting to envision your decision? Well, this is probably a little obvious, but a lot of times we will think that it's going to be like one thing and the reality is much different. Just like in my last episode, I shared how I had done all the research on the computer of which car I wanted to buy, and then when I actually test drove it, the reality was I hated the way it drove and that was not the car for me.
So you just don't know some things until you've actually tested them out or talk to people who have been there and done that because they have the experience that you are lacking. So doing your research will give you a good foundation for then picturing how it's going to turn out for you.
And everybody's different. Everybody has different preferences. You are going to experience things different than someone else. So that's why you can't just go off of what someone else has said and done, but it is a good way to start envisioning how it will be for you, when you know how it's played out for someone else or when you've tested something out.
That's all I'm going to share and cover for step one for now. Go back and listen to episode nine if you want to dive deeper into doing your research first.
Step 2: Get your ideas out of your head
So step two is to get it out of your head. So this means you get out a journal, you talk with someone, maybe it's taking a voice memo. You want it documented, just because that way you can go back and look through it again. Look over your notes, read through it in a month or so. See how it settled with you over that time. And relisten to your arguments. So sometimes we have to convince ourselves of what's the best option because our heart maybe going after one thing and our mind is going after another, that was episode two if you want to dive into that a little deeper, of what to do when your heart and your mind are kind of conflicting. Obviously, if it was an easy decision, you would've made it already.
So when you're facing these big decisions that are so tough and so heart-wrenching, and you are nervous about what direction you should take, because you just don't know how it's going to turn out, get things out on paper, get it out of your head. Go talk with someone.
And this really helps you focus as well. If you're just thinking through things and imagining it in your head, your brain could start wandering. I know I get distracted with starting to think about my grocery list and then, oh, we're going camping this weekend, what do I need to bring on my camping trip? And then you think about, oh, I forgot to text so-and-so that I wasn't able to make it to her get together because I'm going camping and your brain just goes off in a million directions. At least as women.
I know guys can tend to have a single track mind and you can focus on one thing. But girls get out your journal because we need it.
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Now, back to the episode.
Step 3: Consider the short-term and long-term impacts
Step three is to now within that journal or that voice memo recording, or your conversation with a person, start to think through what this decision will look like now, and in the near future, as well as the distant future for as long as that's relevant. If you're looking to commit to a year long leadership position that long-term outlook might be a little different than buying a house, moving, having a baby. Those are all longer-term big commitments. And then while you're writing things down, I want you to go through the five impact zones from my SAIL Method. That's S A I L, my decision-making framework. If you're not familiar with those five impact areas, that goes through how does this decision affect you relationally, physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. I explain all of these in-depth in episode three, where I walk through my sale method decision-making framework, so if you want to dive more into those, you can there. But basically you want to have a well-rounded approach for this decision and this path, because it might check off the boxes financially and physically, but if it emotionally drains you or is going to cause you spiritually to struggle with keeping up with your relationship with God, or it's going to cause so much relational stress with your spouse or your kids, or maybe your parents or friends, then it's probably not a good path to take. So you need to look at the whole picture and start thinking about how it's affecting you in all these different areas of your life.
Step 4: Evaluate the worst-case and best-case scenarios
Now the next step, which kind of, you need to do it at the same time as step three, but I want you to think through worst case scenario and best case scenario. See some people, if you're a little bit more on the cautious side and you think of worst case scenario all the time, then it could be hard for you to picture "well, what will it look like if it actually turned out good. If things went as well as you wanted them to". Or for some people who kind of live life with rose colored glasses, you might tend to skip out on the worst case scenario or how things could be in reality.
I talk about this with my decision to have another baby or not. I really, really want a daughter. That's been a lifelong dream of mine. But what if I have another baby and it's a boy? How will that play out? Will I have that bitterness and discontent in my life?
Or will I live it out saying, "Hey, God wanted me to be a mom of three boys. So I need to accept that". So start picturing worst case scenario, best case scenario, because things will not always turn out the way you picture them and the way you want them to. And so if you are going to choose a path, you need to know and be ready for some of the pitfalls of that path. Are you willing to accept and embrace the downside, the negatives, the worst case scenario?
So start journaling things out, going through what's it look like now? What's it going to look like in a year from now? What's it gonna look like in five to 10 years from now? If you take that path. And yes, you can change your mind. You can often change things. Maybe not, if you have another baby, that one doesn't go away. But if you move, if you take a different career path, if you choose to have your mother-in-law move in with you. I don't know why I always go back to those same few decisions, but those tend to be some of the bigger ones people face.
Maybe it's should you go back to work if you were staying at home with the kids? Or should you put in a pool, should you sell your old car and get a new car or just fix up the car that you have? Those are all things that you need to play out in your head. What's it going to look like?
So let's walk through some examples of how you can do this so that you get a better picture of it.
One would be, if you are house hunting. My brother was house hunting recently, and I told him to go through the house and picture what the potential is down the line. Because as of right now, he's looking at a lot of fixer uppers. It might have a horrible, ugly kitchen or a backyard that's really undesirable. But those are things that can change. The things that can't change are the neighborhood, the location of your house, certain things of the foundation of your house. Is it a brick house versus wood house? You're not going to knock down all the walls and rebuild if you want a brick house when you've got a wood house. So those are things that can't change and picture are you okay with those down the line? What's your long term goal and picture for that space?
I know my husband and I, when we were house hunting, we didn't have kids yet. Our first realtor gave us a funny look almost when we started mentioning things about kids and how we wanted enough bedrooms for kids and the backyard that was a fun play space for kids and a really good school district. When we didn't have kids. But we knew that we wanted to start a family in a few years and we didn't want to have to move in order to establish ourselves. And thank the Lord that we didn't, because the way the economy shot up, I mean, we bought at a really good time and we kind of bought in over our head a little bit. It was a little more than we wanted to spend at the time we were pushing our limits financially at the time. But now it's something we are comfortable affording, and it's a forever home that we have grown into. And yes, we still have house projects 11 years later, and we will be working on this house for years and years, but I'm so glad that we purchased a big enough home to expand our family.
And back when we did, because we would not be able to afford this house, this neighborhood, this type of situation had we waited and had we bought something small that fit our two person family back when we bought in 2013.
So picture yourself in that spot, in that house long-term. Where are you going to entertain? Do you have a lot of family from out of town that you'll be housing? Will you have enough space for guests?
My brother's really, really big into board games and they have so many board games that in his current house that he's renting from they had to build two custom shelving units to house all of his board games. So is there space for that? Because that's a passion of his. Think through what are your non-negotiables. Because a lot of times we compromise for the here and now not thinking about what we really want long-term.
You might think, I just want to buy a house. I need something with equity. I want to be in my own space. And so you just buy whatever is on the market at the time, instead of being patient or thinking long-term about what will serve your needs down the line. Are you looking for what you want now? Or are you looking for what you want most.
How is it impacting you financially, physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually, now and down the line.
I actually journaled what my life would look like if I had a third baby. Now if you know my story, you'll see that, that third baby I'm looking for, I really, really want a girl. So I had to journal and envision what would my life look like if I had a boy. I started going through, looking at right now with my husband, having crazy shifts and working nights and weekends, a lot of times rotating shifts, he's not always there in the evening when it's time to make dinner or time to do sports and activities.
And I already feel like I'm limiting my kids in the amount of sports and activities they can be in just because my emotional and physical boundary that I've set. I can't handle having an activity every night of the week. I need to be able to cook and clean and tidy up. And something would have to give if I were to have that other baby and I'd have to give up something that I want, either work or my sanity, or a clean house, which already is not that tidy most of the time, or the kids activities.
For having another baby people often say, look at what you want your Thanksgiving dinners to be like down the line. For me as being one of five kids I already have six nieces and nephews on my side of the family and my brothers haven't even started having kids yet. Thanksgivings and family dinners are already chaotic. I don't need to have more of my own kids to have that big family feeling that I had growing up, that I loved, because I have so many extended family members. So think about when your kids are older, when they're teenagers, when they're married and when they've have houses of their own.
What do you want your family to look like then? Not just what you want it to look like now.
Some people look at just the here and now and say, "Oh, I just want that baby stage again. I love babies. They're so sweet and cute and cuddly. And when they coo it just melts your heart." And you don't think about that they're not going to always be a little cute squishy baby. They're going to grow up and have attitudes and have sports and activities, you have homework, you have their friends. You have family gatherings and Christmases birthdays, travel, even weddings and paying for college down the line.
Then you have the people who want the extra child but hate the baby stage and they're thinking, "Nope, I don't want to go through breastfeeding again and staying up all night and the two year old tantrums and all that comes with those early stages". You're picturing just the first few years and not the long-term outlook.
Now the reason I wanted you to go through the worst case scenario and best case scenario, when you're looking at what things could play out like, it's because then, if things don't go the way you want it to or the way you had pictured, when things are hard, you want to make sure that you've problem solved some ways that you could handle that if that worst case scenario comes true.
So if I really wanted to have that third baby, I know that I could make it work. I could find people to carpool with, for my older ones to still have sports and activities. I could have family come over and watch the baby while I take them to their sports and activities. And will it always be ideal? No, but there are ways you can make it work.
If you're looking at going back to work and you're just not sure how it's going to work out with time or making food or doing homework with your kids, then start to problem solve. What are some things that we could do? Could you get a meal subscription plan that because you're going back to work, you're going to have extra income, does it make sense to be able to have ready-made food that's healthy sent to your doorstep? What are some ways you can overcome these fears and these downsides?
How could that play out? So start journaling that. Start writing out and thinking through that. And then just be open and honest with yourself because a lot of times the things that we fear don't actually come true. They say that actually 80% of what people fear will happen never actually happens.
So the human brain typically tends to lean towards the negative, the worst case scenario. And that's why picturing ourselves in these scenarios, we often lean towards the negative. We think through the bad and the snowball effect of, well, if that happens, then this will happen that my life will be forever ruined. So think through honestly.
Bonus Step: Pray through the process
And then overall, I always advise people to pray through these decisions. As you're journaling this, make it a prayer to God. Write out, "God, what is your plan and your vision and your path? And how could you bless my path?"
In episode five, talking with Ebonie, she has this concept for her conference called plan, pray, pursue where you make the plan first, and then you bring it to God. A lot of times we wait until God gives us a path, but sometimes he wants you to choose. He loves you like a loving father. I want my kids to enjoy life and to be happy and to choose things that they want. And God is like that with us. So bring him into the equation with this, bring him into your vision of how things are going to look like and trust in his path and his ways as well.
At one point when talking with a friend about my decision to stop at two kids, I was saying, "I don't think I have the emotional capacity for it. And how will I handle sports and activities and the time and making dinner. And what if I do have a boy and it's not this dream of a girl that I want, or what if I have a girl and she's not living up to the expectations of that little bestie relationship that I wanted."
And my friend looked at me and said, "You're not trusting God". Like he can overcome, he can fill you. People will never fill you. A house, a car, a career, a city that you live in, those things will never fulfill you. We have to let God fill us. And then he'll infiltrate every other area. So bring him in to this envisioning process and ask him to guide your vision of what your life could look like whether you choose A, B or C.
Let's go over all of these steps. One more time. Step one was to do your research so that you're coming at this with a well-informed perspective. Step two was to get it out of your head. Write it down, talk it through with someone, put it in a voice memo. Just get it out of your thoughts. Number three was within that journaling or conversation you need to think through the long-term as well as short term and the best and worst case scenarios. And then finally do this all covered in prayer so that you're bringing God into the equation, seeking his will his path and looking for ways that you can trust him with the path and scenario that you choose.
So I hope you enjoyed this episode. I would love to hear some feedback from you. We are 10 episodes in, so do me a favor and go follow me on social media. I'm at anchored decisions on Facebook and Instagram and send me a message. Let me know what your favorite episode has been, and what types of episodes you want me to create.
Do you like this type, where I'm sharing some tips on how to be a better decision maker, how to overcome the fear of making those big decisions? Do you like hearing from guests? I do want to start doing some guest episodes where I chat with someone of how they made a big decision and also some experts on specific topics, like last week, I mentioned that somebody was asking me how to decide whether or not to medicate their child for ADHD.
That is not something that I personally can give you advice on. I can give you the structure of how to make a decision, but part of that is bringing in an expert. So do you want to hear from people on decisions like that or decisions on how to invest financially? Maybe real estate decisions: should you rent or buy right now? Should you buy an investment home or do we wait until the market crashes, will it ever crash? So let me know what type of decisions you are facing and what you want to hear. You can also fill out. I have a form on my website, on the podcast page. So anchoreddecisions.com/podcast. Scroll down to the bottom and you'll see a form that you can click that shares any guests that you would love to nominate to be on the show, or if you are someone that has expertise to share then you can fill that out to be featured on my show. And then you can also just let me know what topics you want to hear. So make sure to go fill that out and I will see you again next Thursday.
Thank you so much for listening. If you're looking to make better decisions for you, founded on faith and your priorities, go grab my free decision compass. This will help you set the lens from which you make your decision to be sure you're making the best, most intentional decisions. Download it now at anchoreddecisions.com/compass. See you next week for another episode of the Anchored Decisions show.